Oscar the Grouch
by eedmund
Summary: Kara Lynn is tired of Grant Ward's brooding. She decides to surprise him with a present but she's in for a surprise of her own. Post "An Honest Conversation". Skye/Ward is implied but not actually in it. One shot.


Animatronic Benjamin Franklin had been a complete let down. He was stationed at the entrance of the Newman Money Museum and, apparently, someone had decided to update the beautiful horror show that was 80s animatronic robot technology. The update had ruined everything. The new 'animatronic' Ben was really just a dummy that someone projected a talking face onto; there were no poorly integrated robotic parts that moved and sputtered, no cranking and hissing head turns or arm movements, and absolutely no chance that a malfunction would cause the dummy to burst into flames. In other words, this particular roadside attraction wasn't worth the stop. The one nice thing about good ol' Ben was that the museum exhibit made him look like he was about to be put down for crimes against humanity – in an electric chair. The dummy's body was stiffly settled in a rickety wooden chair that was surrounded by a metal bar and the flickering spotlight above him really set the scene.

Although Kara Lynn was disappointed with the display, at least she'd gotten away from Ward for a few hours. He was starting to be a drag though she couldn't exactly blame him. Having the love of your life give you the whole 'It's not you. It's me.' speech had to be the worst. Still, working and living with him meant she had to deal with his pouting day and night; it was wearing a little thin.

She went into the museum gift shop to see if there was anything truly heinous in there. Maybe if she got Ward a present she could snap him out of his funk? Amongst the assorted gift shop kitsch, she found a bobblehead Ben Franklin. Picking it up from the shelf, she realized it was just tasteless enough to at least provoke some sort of response from the down and out Ward. Maybe not a smile but she'd bet he give a nice look of absolute disgust and an eye roll. From behind where the box proudly exclaimed that Ben had a "REALISTIC Coonskin Cap!", the bespectacled founding father nodded sagely at her.

It'd be the best 20 bucks she'd spent in ages.

She swung by the parking lot of a grocery store on her way back to the hotel. They'd been using the same car for a while and its description had to be making the rounds on the law enforcement bulletins. She parked the car neatly near the back of the lot, ran into the store to grab a soda, and decided to _borrow_ a shiny black Mazda 3 on her way out. That particular model had a decent 0 to 60 time and, if they were going to be pulling their current mission any time soon, a car that could tear out of a bad spot in the end was a good thing to have.

When she got back to the hotel, she struggled to juggle the bobblehead doll, her soda, and her key. With a little shifting, she twisted trying to snag her key back from the grasping key hole. She used her hip to open the door. The awkward angle of her entry meant she didn't see anyone right away but, since the TV was on, she figured Ward was in there somewhere.

"Hey Ward. I got you a present!" she said in a singsong voice. She knew he hated it when she used that tone and she figured if she started provoking his wrath right away, his response to bobblehead Ben would be that much better. She turned around and came to face – not Ward – but a massively scarred black man in a long trench coat lounging on the bed. She was so astonished, it took her a full three seconds to drop Ben Franklin (who gave a sickening crunch when he hit the floor) and pull her gun.

"Who are you and where is Ward?" she demanded sharply, training her weapon for a clean shot through the heart. When not trying for an intentional obnoxious sing song tone or an accent, her voice flattened down to the mechanically corrupted sound that she so hated to hear. The man didn't seem to be bothered by it though. He was weirdly calm about everything, in fact. Her sudden appearance in the room and the loaded weapon pointed at his chest didn't cause him to stir at all.

"You must be Kara Lynn," he replied answering neither of her questions. "I've heard so much about you." He started to rise up off the bed but stopped when Kara Lynn started to squeeze the trigger. Raising both his hands, palms out in the traditional gesture of "hey! I don't have a weapon! Don't shoot me", the man said, "Look, you're welcome to shoot me if you like but you'll have hotel security in here in a second if you do pull that trigger. You won't hurt me and you'll only have more of a mess to deal with. Care to put the gun away?"

_Won't hurt him. _Right. With a point-blank range shot at his chest even the most worthless rookie would hit him. Was he being patronizing because she was a woman? Or was he just trying to piss her off? "No. I don't 'care' to put my gun away. I like it right where I have it." She squeezed the trigger just a hair further and watched as the man, curiously, didn't even flinch. "Let me try this again. Who. Are. You. And. Where. Is. Ward?"

"My name is Mike. Mike Peterson. And Ward stepped out with the puppy. It needed to take care of its business."

Kara Lynn was starting to feel like maybe the animatronic Benjamin Franklin had been a lot cooler than she'd originally thought. Maybe it wasn't standing at the entrance to a lame museum but rather was at the entrance to a super secret portal to some bizarro alternate world. She had walked in and now this... "The puppy?"

"Yeah. He found it in the dumpster not far off Eighth. It's kinda cute once he gave it a bath and got rid of the awful stink."

"Ward has a puppy? That he gave a bath to?" Kara Lynn was not ready to let up on this point. Bizarro world was starting to sound _adorable_.

The man – Mike – laughed a little at that. "Yeah. Believe me. I know. I wouldn't have believed it either had I not sat there and watched the whole thing. Ward's either found himself some real nice drugs or he's actually going for a total personality change. It doesn't mesh up for me but Skye swore up and down he'd be less of a dick. Personally, I'm banking on body snatchers."

Alright. Bizarro world: 2. Kara Lynn: 0. "Skye? You know Skye?"

"She sent me here. Said you lot need a third man for your op."

"Oh," Kara Lynn said, slowly lowering her gun. They did need a third man. There was a really narrow chance she and Ward could pull off the take down and rescue of this last block of 'incentive' holding cells but their surveillance intel was slowly killing even that possibility. Granted, Ward had wanted Skye to be the third man and, when she turned him down cold, he'd been insistent that they could do it alone. A third man, though, that would really clear things up.

"How is Skye?" It wasn't as if Kara Lynn had a whole lot of investment in the girl but since Skye could make or break Ward's world and Ward's world definitely impacted hers, Skye's general wellbeing was a sort of priority.

Mike sighed a little and picked up the remote. Kara Lynn thought for a moment that he was going to be a complete asshole and just tune her out but, instead, he flicked the TV off and turned to face her. "Skye's doing alright for what she's going through. I can empathize with the whole new powers/feeling out of her depth thing." He gestured to himself. "But, she's got a whole different game going on with those other monsters."

"Are you seismically challenged too?"

He laughed again. It was a nice, deep laugh. Kara Lynn found she quite liked it. "Uh no. I'm just a the tin man." He knocked on his right leg and it clanged hollowly in response. "I'm probably 70% cybernetic at this point."

Kara Lynn waved at her own face. "Nano-mask distortion." Then she pointed to the burnt out scar over her left eye. "And then someone took exception to me wearing her face and decided to redecorate." She didn't know why she was being so forthright with this strange man. Maybe it was the fact that he was as scarred, if not more, as she was. Maybe it was because he was so unflappable. Saying things like 'Nano-mask distortion' and mentioning stealing someone's face didn't make him spin out. He took it all in stride.

"I was going to ask you about that. The whole Melinda May look. Thought maybe you were related."

That was kinda sweet of him. Assuming the best. Kara Lynn was trying to find some other topic to jump to when Ward came barreling into the room. He flashed a grin at her when he saw her and handed her a squirmy, brown puppy.

Bizarro world: 3. Kara Lynn: 0. The puppy wiggled and whined so she promptly placed it on the ground.

"Mind watching Daisy? He's being a little antsy and I'm going to go call Skye," the body snatcher that had taken over Ward's body said.

Kara Lynn was speechless. Fortunately, Mike Peterson jumped in. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Daisy?"

"It's a good name," Ward said defensively.

Mike scoffed. "It's a boy dog, bro. You can't name a boy dog 'Daisy'."

Kara Lynn recovered her voice enough to weigh in. "Isn't Daisy Skye's real name?"

Ward didn't answer. He just looked, god, he looked _bashful_. Kara Lynn lost it and was soon joined by the low rumble of Mike Peterson, filling up the room. It felt so good to laugh.

Mike was able to pull himself together first. "Man, Ward. You're hopeless. You can't name the dog after your girl either. That's not really a compliment."

Ward had crouched low on the floor and refused to give either of them eye contact. He contented himself with scratching behind the ears of the ambling puppy. "I don't know what to call him. He needs a name." Ward sounded so petulant, Kara Lynn almost wanted to give him a hug and pat him on the head.

Mike decided to be helpful and started listing names. First he went with "Fido." Then, "Pluto." Then "Hulk." After awhile, he started getting fanciful, by the time he got to "Trogdor" Ward was just automatically shaking his head back and forth. His scowl was impressive to behold.

Kara Lynn cut in. "We're done with this. The dog's name is Oscar. You found him in a dumpster. He can be the Oscar to your grouch." She pointed to the door. "You have thirty minutes to call Skye. I'm not watching this creature for much longer than that."

Ward was weirdly obedient; he grabbed his phone and left the room. Mike Peterson was dying of laughter from where he sat on the bed. Oscar had found Ben Franklin and was trying to eat him so Kara Lynn went over to save one of America's founding fathers.

The bobblehead had sustained a bit of damage. Oscar's little puppy teeth had put a nice gash down his cheek. Dropping him when she'd come in hadn't helped either; there was a crack forming just under the left eye. The REALISTIC coon skin cap was no where to be found. Kara Lynn plopped down onto her own bed and looked morosely at the remains of her frivolous 20 dollar shopping spree. "Poor Ben. He's broken!"

Mike had recovered from his laughing fit enough to sit up. He held out his hand toward her. "Let me see him, Kara Lynn."

He said her name fast enough the two distinct words merged a little. It sounded like he called her 'Carolyn' but she didn't correct him. She kinda liked how he said her name.

She handed over Ben Franklin and Mike Peterson ran his hand down the puppy teeth marks and over to the cracked eye. "I use to get my son these sorts of things. Heroes. Action figures. They were always so perfect, you know? No damage. No scars. I kinda feel like this Ben might be more real with a little Oscar action on one side and a crack to the other." He looked up at her then. His dark brown eyes taking in her face, her scar. There was no judgement there and Kara Lynn felt her heart flutter just a little.

Oscar barked at them and Mike handed Ben Franklin back to her. "I should see about getting a room. I don't think Ward's going to share his bed with me."

Kara Lynn laughed. Really laughed. "Don't worry about it. I'll call the desk and see if they can send up a cot."

She set Ben Franklin down on the nightstand.

"Thanks, Kara Lynn. I'm starting to think Skye may have been on to something – sending me this way. I think I won't mind working by your side," Mike said touching the top of the bobblehead.

Ben Franklin nodded sagely at them both while Oscar barked and grouched from the floor.

* * *

A/N: This one shot is courtesy of the blizzard that got me out of two days of work. The story is dedicated to Lily1986 who mentioned crack shipping Kara and Mike. She got me thinking about poor Kara Lynn and her confusing trip back to the hotel.

Also, a special thanks is owed to ExellentlyEllen. She took a break from her own spectacular Skye/Ward fic [All Is Fair (But This Is Not Love, It's War)] to look over this and keep me in the right tense. ;) Naturally, all errors that remain are due to my stubbornness not her editing. If you aren't reading All Is Fair, check it out ... it is very good.


End file.
